So I got a copy of the California Driver Handbook 2007 edition from my local DMV. It has some really interesting info about almost everything you need to know about navigatign the streets of Cali…but in my opinion it lacks a few more tidbits. Here are some the DMV forgot to mention:

  • The majority of drivers in LA must have learned to drive in some scary parts of the world. I’m talking war zone-like driving styles!
  • The roads are so bad, you think you’re in a third world country.
  • Outrunning the police on the highway is a rite of passage.
  • Taking a left turn in LA is like playing Russian Roulette. Here’s the rule: three cars to a yellow light. Traffic is so bad, it’s a miracle if you get a chance to turn on a green light. And god help you if you deprive someone of their left turn. Which means an intersection with a left-turn arrow is like winning the lottery. Not that you get to fully capitalize, as you’ll be stuck behind the crosswalk as you wait for all the cars to make their left from the last cycle.
  • You quickly learn the middle turn lane is really the UPS/ FedEx delivery lane.
  • Valet parking is a scam and they turn scarce, legitimate on-street parking spaces into drop-off lanes for waiting cars.
  • And how is strip-mall parking valet parking?
  • You quickly learn the value of “We Validate.”
  • Crosswalks are like a quarter of a mile wide! But they kindly tell you how many seconds you have. And you’re like, there’s no way I can cross that in 9 seconds, but you can! The crosswalk near Cedars-Sinai is miles long!
  • Within a couple of weeks you’ll suddenly be able to read passing ads in Spanish. Hablas Español? Si! Yo hablo Español! Well, kinda…LOL!

On a side note, Governator Schwarzenegger has got to hire better writers (or more proofreaders) – the DMV book is like a bad Chinese translation. I’ve seen Korean dramas subtitled better. Governor, I’m available. 😉