My impatience has reached a brand new high. I came to this conclusion after getting pissed at the microwave that was just taking a little too long to heat my lasagna.

The other tip off was that I was yelling at it.

Appliances are the least of it though. In other words, if you see me coming, run.

It’s pouring here today so when I waltzed into World Market to buy new plates, the man at the door handed me a plastic umbrella bag so mine wouldn’t drip all through the store. Reasonable, I know, but my hands were cold so I wasn’t succeeding fast enough at the task at hand. “NEVER MIND,” I snapped thrusting the bag back at the guy who despite my rudeness still smiled and said, “Thank you for shopping at Crate and Barrel.”

“SHOPPING? I’M STILL IN THE DOORWAY!” was my parting remark as I flounced out.

The worse part of this is, I know when I’m acting out so I can’t very well dismiss it as nothing. After getting halfway up the street I knew I had to go back to apologize.

Not necessarily today, but soon. It’s called, keeping your side of the street clean, no easy feat since my side right now looks like it’s having a sale.

Of course that wasn’t the only telltale sign. I screamed at every traffic light I had to wait for along with cursing at a number of cars that wouldn’t let me cross. Then there were those annoying tourists strolling like it was 75 degrees and sunny.

“HURRY UP, WOULD YOU PLEASE!” They let me through as if I had a siren attached to my head.

But I did say please.

I’m told my impatience could be due to a vitamin deficiency, maybe my D is down. Perhaps I should pop by a tanning salon or better yet, invest in a sunlamp.

You can only imagine how appreciative I was to get this advice.

I told the adviser to take a long walk off a short, but sunny pier.

Oh no…you didn’t!

Yes I did. Gee, how many up and coming apologies does that make?

It’s a pity we don’t have a little light that goes off when our tolerance is missing in action.    Others would see it and stay the hell away from you until it went out. That would sure save a lot of guilt that I’m about to overdose on.

Friends tell me I’m merely on edge and it will pass, it’s Christmas after all and the boss just gave me 5 different projects to work on – all due at the same time. In the meantime I should go buy a straightjacket and stay in it.



As far as those apologies go…

tote board’s heavy.