Today I woke up and realized I’ve become substitute Mom to 5 kids – all of whom I have to take to Hawaii in a few hours.

The last 24 hours I spent wondering how I managed to get myself into this situation – when the number one issue is that I don’t actually know how to handle children. I mean, sure, I like them, I think I’ll do great as a doting aunt someday,  but I’ve always feared kids – (they’re just too fragile, like touching them might break them) – and in the past I tend to cringe in terror when a young, snotty, happy faced, short person runs towards me. More importantly, number two, I was very sure that I don’t have any maternal bone in my body. I think when the Heavens gifted every female on the planet with maternal instincts, I was in bed snoring my butt off hence, missing the opportunity.

Anyway back to my story. After the tragedy that was my last job, I found myself working as an HR Manager for a small, family-run insurance business in Beverly Hills. It being small, means every one of us had to wear different hats and help out any way we can. Some days I was HR manager, tech support,  writer, and webmaster. Some days I was customer service rep, secretary, clerk, errand girl, all rolled into one. There were also days I play resident cook and prepare company lunches. I lost track of the different roles I took on that when someone would ask me what my job was, I just tell them “I’m a Jill-of-all-trades” with a smile.

I thought I can handle it all.

Then came this latest “challenge”…

My boss’ son and daughter-in-law are having marital issues (for the nth time!) and would like some time  away from the kids but the kids have been looking forward to a trip to Hawaii the whole year. Being the softy that he is, my boss agreed to babysit his own grandchildren for the next two weeks. In Hawaii.  He thought, anyway, the kids have 2 nannies watching them 24/7. How hard can it be to chaperon the kids with nannies in tow to Hawaii, right? As luck or (bad luck) would have it, there was a major account-related emergency in the company. This meant my boss cannot go after all. Well, no worries, Super Gourmet Girl is here. A trip to Hawaii sounds like a good idea. I’ll take care of the kids.

Boy, was I ever wrong. The little terrors somehow managed to make their nannies quit right before the trip, but cancelling Hawaii was out of the question. The  twins were set on spending their birthday at a luau and threatened to throw major tantrums if they don’t get there in time for said party,  none of the kids would stop crying and being brats unless I tell them the trip is still on, and Grandpa/ Boss had “strict” instructions to “take care of everything” and not bother him while he tries to take care of the company emergency…or else.

Against my better judgement, I found myself agreeing to taking all 5 – twins, 7 year old, 6 year old, and 19 month old – to Hawaii. Anyway, everything’s been prepared and paid for in advance, all we had to do was show up. Besides, who has the heart to say “no” when 5 pairs of big blue eyes are begging you with their puppy dog gazes.

Siiigh. I said yes, but this did not stop me from sitting in the bath and crying like a knocked up 15 year old. (For a minute there I felt as though I was really having kids!)

I do wish to place some blame on my friends John and Sara (names have not been changed to protect the innocent) – as they had exposed me to their adorable children and they made it look like taking care of kids is a walk in the park. I have not spoken to them in 2 days and have not  told them yet that they are to blame (if only partly), so hopefully they suffer sufficient guilt to bring me something great from the U2 concert that they are travelling overseas to go and see.

So here I am in my mid-20’s, single, unattached, with 5 kids (throwing tantrums every few seconds) in tow, on my way to Hawaii, and frightened beyond measure …

Can I go home now?

LOL. Kidding. Wish me luck.

Oh, and if I’m not back blogging in a few, you’ll know who to blame.